Getting Old without Permission

Boy, I have discovered the past week why God's plan is the way it is for having children. In God's plan most people have their children in their 20's and 30's. The reason you have children then is because you have boundless energy and your body is in great shape.

I don't remember being tired when Kelsey and Kyle were baby. Even though I did not get lots of sleep it did not seem to bother me too much. Now that I am in my 40's, I can't say that anymore.

Rich and I never had 2 babies in diapers. Kelsey was 4 1/2 when Kyle was born so she was way past the diaper stage. Now we have 2 kiddos in diapers and we are getting old. The 8 month old is cutting 3-4 teeth at the same time which makes for a grumpy baby that is not sleeping. I am feeling the lack of sleep.

I am not complaining just aware that my body is aging without my permission. Most people call me the energizer bunny but these kiddos are showing me that my batteries are slowing down and need more recharging.

I choose to look at it that they are keeping me young.... without them I am sure I would be much slower and less active.

Lent begins this week. We are looking forward to Lent bringing us closer to God and strengthens our Faith walk.

Their Name in The Sand

This amazing tribute to Kyle was created by Their Name in The Sand
To Write Their Name in the Sand . The first link will take you to the page created for Kyle. On this page you can leave a message for Kyle. The second link will take you directly to the page to request a name made in the sand.

When I found this website I could not resist this way to honor Kyle's memory as he loved playing in the sand.

Please share this website with any family that is grieving the loss of a child.

Several of Kyle's friends have been an extra blessing lately. Kyle's good friend Derick called me the day before Valentine's and read me a story about a mommy sea turtle. He said the book reminded me of Kyle. I had tears in my eyes as I listened to the story. It is so hard for me to believe that Kyle's friends are old enough to read.

Kyle's first girlfriend Jaci blessed me this week with a pair of sea turtle earrings. She bought them in Florida while she was on her Make A Wish trip because they made her think of Kyle. I am truly blessed that Kyle's friends continue to think of us and Kyle.

This coming week we are meeting with the Pain Team at NCH to discuss how best to use the donations made in Kyle's memory. I will keep you posted on what we decide.

Thanks for stopping by.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day was always Kyle's favorite holiday. He enjoyed it more than Christmas or his birthday. He would spend hours writing out his valentines and decorating cookies for his favorite friends and nurses. He loved any and every chance to tell people how much he loved them.

This being his favorite holiday has made the day hard..... we went to the cemetery and decorated his grave site. It still seems so wrong to be decorating a grave site and not his room!!!

Kyle sent several signs today for us. My favorite was the playing of our song Praise You in This Storm. It came on the radio as we pulled into the driveway this evening. The other sign is a little too personal to share.

Rich surprised me with a special Valentine's gift- a personalized license plate Tubeman!!!!
Tubeman is the name of the superhero we created for Kyle. The world's first superhero with tubes and a central line. Rich could not have picked a better gift for me.

I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful and thoughtful husband.

Please stop and take time to tell those closest to you how much you love them. There is never a guarantee that you will get the chance tomorrow.

Rich and I have been working on patience (quit laughing) especially me. I know that I am Type A and like to think that I am in control of things. I truly do know that GOD is in charge of all things but that does not stop me from trying to exert control and doing things my way.

We are quickly discovering that when you are foster parents you are not in control of anything. Things can quickly and without input from the foster family. You are just expected to adapt and do what they say.This is good practice for us as it helps us grow in our ability to see that we are not really in control of much.

I need to start applying this to my physical health. I must say hitting the 40s is not fun. I injured my Achilles in November. I took December and January off from exercising per doctor recommendation. I started back in February and the pain is intense. I am now in physical therapy twice a week and it is so hard to not work out. I keep pushing myself and my heel is not healing. I am TRYING to slow down but I just can't stop working out completely even though I know I should.

We have also learned that things work out the way they ARE meant to be whether we worry about them or try to change them.Kelsey is growing up so fast. My baby girl is now a young lady. I know in another blink she will be off to college. It only seems like yesterday she was taking her first steps and saying her first words. She has finished her freshman year of English and has begun sophomore English. She is almost finished with Physical Science and World Studies. By the end of the month she will begin Biology and American Studies. Math is another story as she does not like it. She will be finished by the end of March. That really isn't bad but.....

The babies continue to grow and bring much joy to our life. My favorite time of the day is snuggle time before nap. I must admit the baby boy has me wrapped around his finger. He is spoiled as all babies should be. His sister is funny and makes us laugh. She also keeps us on our toes. She loves to put everything and anything in the garbage.

Another Sign

Monday February 2 Rich decided he needed to lose weight again so he drug out all the old cook books. I grabbed the crockpot cookbook as that is about all the cooking I can manage.

I noticed a book mark so I decided that must be a recipe we used in the past. I pulled out the bookmark and could not believe my eyes...

The book mark was a pharmacy receipt from Kyle dated 2/2/04

Exactly 5 years to the day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that was from Kyle. Rich claims it is Kyle telling him that indeed he needs to lose weight but I don't believe that as Kyle loved that Rich was fluffy. He would prefer to lay with Rich at times because as Kyle said "Dad is fluffier than you so he is comfier"!!!!

Whatever Kyle the reason for the sign, it brought tears to our eyes and comfort to our souls knowing that Kyle is ALWAYS with us.

Coincidence or Sign?

There are two schools of thoughts about this. I have found that most people that do not have faith or believe in God call things coincidences but those that have a strong faith believe such things are signs

At Kyle's funeral Mass, Father Joe told us that Kyle would send us Kyle Little Miracles aka Signs if we were open to them. Since, Kyle passed away we have been blessed to receive many of these signs. These usually come when I am really down or on special days.

We received a Kyle Little Miracle on Thursday. Kelsey was scheduled for an elluminate (live chat) with her teacher. Another student logged into the room at the same time. His name is Kyle Conrad. We laughed at that as he not only had Kyle's first name but his last name is the name of Kyle's service dog-Conrad.

After Kelsey's session, the teacher asked Kelsey if she knew Kyle. Kelsey explained that she did not. Her teacher explained that Kyle had a younger brother who has brain cancer so Kyle has missed a lot of school this year and is struggling. The teacher asked if Kelsey would be willing to talk with Kyle. Of course Kelsey agreed.

The teacher labeled a breakout room Kyle and Kelsey's room. When I saw that on her computer I couldn't help but cry. I have not seen their names together in so long.

Kelsey and Kyle spent over an hour chatting. I sometimes forget what a truly amazing daughter I have. I listened to her help this young man work through his feelings. She was so compassionate and helpful.

I wish her life was easier but then I see what having Kyle as a brother has taught her. I do not think she could have learned these lessons any other way.